My Paradise: Chapter 13

Mom smiled motherly at me as I moved towards her, dragging the noisy vacuum cleaner behind me. She took a few steps to the left, so I could vacuum where she had been standing by the counter. Once I finished, she moved back, so I could vacuum on the other side as well.

It’s not like I enjoy doing chores, but I do them because I know our parents appreciate a little help around the house. Lately, the two of them had both had a lot to deal with. Dad was working from nine to five ever day, and Mom was doing things around the house to make it more ours, like painting the hall, for example, and working on the garden. She was also trying to find herself a part-time job that she could do.

Once I finished in the kitchen, I had done the first floor. The second floor was my sister’s job. Well, except for my room. But I would vacuum clean that once she was finished up there.

Mom was now busy making dinner. Lasagna; one of the few things my entire family eats. My sister is extremely picky about meat, and my brother is picky about everything else but meat. This makes it hard for my poor mother to find something we all eat, so she often ends up cooking two different meals for dinner. I’m easy to cook for, just like Dad. We can eat anything, just about.

I stepped on the button on the vacuum cleaner to make it collect the cord after I had pulled the plug out.

“Very good, Joshua,” my mother said, smiling at me again. “I am so proud of you.” She moved closer and kissed my forehead.

I just smiled back, letting her kiss me. “Thanks, Mom…”

“You know…I’ve been wanting to talk to you lately,” she started. “It feels as if we never speak any longer. You know? I don’t know how you’re doing at school, or how things are with you and Andy.”

I blushed a little when she mentioned his name. “What about Andy?”

“Well, you two argued a while back,” she explained. “I guess I was worried you two wouldn’t be friends anymore, but then suddenly he was back.”

“Oh…” I lowered my head. “Well, Andy and I are fine now. We’re best friends.”

She gave me a sly smile. “I thought Bradley was your best friend.”

“Bradley is my best friend in New York, the best friend I grew up with, the best friend I never see,” I said. “Andy is my best friend here, the best friend I share my days with, the best friend who’s always here for me.”

“I’m surprised you’d admit that,” she told me. “Most boys your age would just shrug it off, you know.”

“I’m not like most boys…”

“You’re right, you’re not,” she said, laughing a little. “You never were.”

“If I was like most guys, I’d smoke, I’d drink every weekend, and probably during the week, too… I would try drugs, and doing girls would be just for fun.” I let out a low growl. “Humans disgust me…”

She laughed again, harder this time. Then she pulled me into a hug. “Oh, my dear, sweet Josh! You are hilarious!”

I frowned. “Andy thinks I am, too, but I’m being serious…”

“Of course you are, dear,” she said, obviously understanding me better than I thought she did. She let go of me again, looking me in the eye. “You’re just like your uncle Richard, you know. I grew up with him, and he was always as negative as you are, hating people and everything they did. It’s not wrong to be like you, Josh. I just wish you wouldn’t see everything from such a negative perspective. Life isn’t only crap. There’s a lot of good things out there too. You just have to be willing to look for it.”

I thought about what she had told me for a moment, before looking at her. “You know…sometimes the good things come to me… And it takes me some time to realize they’re good. Like Andy. If he didn’t start talking to me, I would most likely not have known him now.”

She smiled lovingly at me. “I repeat, I am so proud of you.”

For some odd reason, I suddenly felt like telling her about Andy and me. For a blunt second, I actually thought she would understand if I told her the truth. And so I opened my mouth to speak, before Dad suddenly walked in.

“Linda, have you seen my black folder?” he asked, interrupting our mother-and-son moment.

“It’s on the little table by the door out there,” she told him, pointing at the door to the hall.

I started to concentrate about the vacuum cleaner again, taking it to the hall and putting it by the stairs, being too lazy to carry it up there for Jessica’s sake. She could carry it herself.

In a way, I was happy Dad had interrupted. If I told my mother, there would be no turning back, and I would forever be printed as her queer son.

…

By Friday, I had hardly even noticed how the week had passed by. To be honest, I was pleased. I was closer to a more exciting weekend, and I was a week closer to the arrival of Bradley. And shockingly enough, P.E. was good for once. Eric Walker left me alone, because we were split into two groups, and he was in the other group. So I hardly even looked at him the whole time. Since my week had been so good, I didn’t even mind when the coach told me to stay behind and clean up after the others. I knew he hated my guts, but I couldn’t care less. Andy helped me, and showered with me later on. We decided not to touch each other much this time, just in case.

The school day went on as normal, and once the bell rang out for the weekend, I felt even better about myself than I had in a long time.

It wasn’t before I came home that my mood dropped slightly.

I stood before my closet, thinking I should somewhat plan what I would wear the day after at Nicky’s party. “I don’t know… What are you gonna wear, Andy?” I turned around, looking over at him.

He glanced over at me, but quickly looked back at the monitor, sitting by my computer and browsing the Internet. “Why does it matter, dude?”

“Because,” I sighed. “I wanna look alright for Nicky’s party… I mean, even if she isn’t gonna be my girlfriend, I still have a right to look good, right? And I haven’t been to parties much. I don’t know what people normally wear. What’s too much? What’s too little?”

“Stop worrying so much…” he muttered.

“I think Nicky has a crush on me, though,” I said. “I’m not used to that, so…I like it.”

“You’re taken, get over yourself.”

“Taken?” I asked, grinning at him. “By whom, if I may ask?”

He only sent me glare.

“Oh, I can feel the love,” I heard someone saying from my doorway.

I looked at my sister, who had rudely invaded the space of my secluded bedroom. “Jess, have you ever heard of a little thing called knocking? It’s nice, you should try it sometime.”

She sent me a sarcastic smile. “So, I hear you two are going to the party tomorrow. Guess what – Tommy’s going, and he was allowed to invite me!”

“What?” I frowned at her. “You’re kidding! How old is this Tommy guy anyway?”

“He’s almost sixteen, why?”

“I’m not so sure if I want you dating him, Jessica,” I admitted, walking towards her. “Not if he hangs out with people who’re older than you both are.”

“He’s the brother of one of Nicky’s best friends, so I think he’s allowed to go,” she said, placing her hands on her hips. “I don’t see why you’re so worried. Tommy’s a good guy. I wouldn’t date a creep.”

Andy turned around on the office chair, snickering at Jessie. “All guys are creeps. Trust me. In one way or another, he’s a creep. It doesn’t matter whether he’s a nerd or a jock; he’ll always be a creep, because boys his age only have one thing on their mind.”

“Oh, bullshit,” she protested. “I’ve seen this guy for as long as you two have known each other. He’s not as bad as you two may think. And while we’re on that topic, how’s your sex life going?” She grinned widely at us.

Andy tilted his head slightly, then he shot me a look.

“Uhm, it’s fine…” I muttered.

“You know, if Mom and Dad knew you two were doing that, they’d totally flip.”

I got uncomfortable, remembering how I almost told Mom a few days earlier. “Thanks… Thank you…Jessie…for pointing that out… Great…yeah…”

“But I’ve told you two that you have nothing to worry about,” she said, smiling at us. “Your secret’s safe with me. You know you can trust me, Josh.”

I nodded once.

“What are you wearing tomorrow?” she suddenly asked, nodding at my closet.

I shrugged. “Jeans and a t-shirt?”

“Like you’re wearing now?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at my clothes.

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing now?” I asked.

“Everything!”

Andy grinned at me. “Yeah, it’d look better on the floor.”

Jessie let out a laugh. “Oh, I love you two, I do! But seriously, when was the last time you went shopping for some decent clothes and didn’t let Mom come home with whatever she thought looked good?”

“You let your mother buy your clothes?” Andy asked, snorting. He picked up a stuffed Kenny character from South Park off my desk and hurled it at me. “That’s gay!”

“Shut up, man!” I whined, picking the Kenny up from the floor and putting it back on the desk. “I hate shopping, it’s what queer men do. And no matter how gay you say I am, you top me! You’ve had a gay lover before, and you have a blue dildo!”

Jessie fell onto my bed, completely in hysterics.

“I like my dildo, so there,” Andy growled, yet still smiling at me. “And you wanna see what I found?” He grinned and opened a site with a drawing of two anime boys getting it on. “They reminded me of us!”

“Oh, wow!” Jessie exclaimed from the bed, staring at the screen. “That’s hot!”

“Jess, you fucking perv!” I cried at my sister, before turning my head towards the screen again. “That’s disgusting, Andy!”

Andy started laughing. “No, your sister’s right; it’s hot! I’m saving this onto your computer, so you can look at it when you miss me.” He grinned at me again.

“I find porn absolutely pointless and pathetic,” I growled.

“This isn’t porn, this is boy love, it’s anime,” he told me. “It’s good for you, dude. You could learn a few things.”

I blinked, feeling offended. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That came out wrong, Andy!” my sister laughed.

He looked from Jessie to me. “Oh, sorry! I meant that you shouldn’t be so worried about having a male lover. Many other guys have it, and it doesn’t make them gay.”

“Hey, about that, have you two had butt sex yet?” Jess asked us.

“Ew, no!” I shouted at her, clenching my fists. I felt like the two were teaming up against me, pushing me to become even less straight than I already was.

She giggled. “Calm down, I was just asking. Anyways! About your clothes. Maybe you should ask Mom and Dad for some money to go shopping for clothes.”

“I don’t wanna go shopping,” I muttered.

“You have nothing you can wear to a party like this!” she exclaimed. “Trust me; Mom makes me fold your clothes, so I know.”

“I’ll go with you guys,” Andy told us, finishing what he was doing online.

I sighed. “Shopping is so gay…”

“Well, it’ll do wonders for your wardrobe,” Jess said, folding her arms over her chest. “And you should get a haircut. Keep the bangs, but get rid of the hair hanging down in your neck and stuff. You’ll look better. Am I right, Andy?” She sent him a smile.

Andy looked at my hair for a moment, then he grinned. “Josh always looks hot.”

She giggled again. “Okay, get ready, guys. I’m so taking you to the best stores.” She hurried out of my room to go get herself ready for shopping.

“If shopping isn’t gay, then I don’t know what is.” I turned to face Andy. “Is it just me, or is she trying to make me super queer?”

“She’s just looking out for her brother,” he told me. “It’s not a bad idea listening to her once in a while.”

Well, I did listen to my sister this time, believe it or not. I let myself get dragged out shopping. Mom was happy to hear that I had become old enough to pick out my own clothes.

Once we arrived at the mall, I regretted allowing my sister to drag me out, but I sort of wanted a nice outfit for the night after, and a haircut certainly wouldn’t hurt either.

Jessie led the way into a store with guy clothes. She started browsing, determined to find something for me to wear. Soon after she found a long-sleeved white shirt and a short-sleeved blue plaid, button-up shirt, and held it up. “This would look great together! See, if you wear the blue shirt over the white one, you’d look awesome!”

“I don’t know…” I muttered, looking at the clothes.

“I think it would look good on him,” Andy told her, smiling.

“Good!” she exclaimed, grinning. “Thank you, Andy.” She picked out a pair of jeans as well, and shoved me into a dressing room.

I put it all on, naturally, just so I wouldn’t get yelled at by her. I came back out to show them what I looked like.

She grinned widely at me. “Hey, lookin’ good, there, Josh!”

Andy sent me a seductive grin. “You’re hot.”

My sister once again laughed at his comment.

I checked myself out in the mirror once more, shrugging lightly. “It actually does look pretty cool now that I’ve got it on. I think I’ll take it.”

“Awesome!” Jessie exclaimed, clapping her hands in excitement, a wide grin on her face. “Now all you need is a haircut!” I could tell she was proud of herself, having found something her picky older brother liked to wear.

I quickly changed back into my old jeans and grey t-shirt, and brought the new clothes with me over to the register.

“You could need some new boxers while you’re at it,” Jessie muttered and threw a two-pack of boxers onto the counter with the other clothes.

Once I had paid for it, we walked out of the store and took a quick look around.

“The hairdresser's next, right?” Andy asked, looking at Jessica, then at me.

“Yup!” Jessie replied. “Follow me!” She led the way through the crowds.

I fell behind the others, bag in hand.

Luckily, the hairdresser was able to deal with us right away, so even Andy got a haircut.

I kept staring at my reflection in the mirror as the hairdresser cut my hair. I hadn’t had it cut in a while now, so it probably was about time. I used to keep it short enough to style it, but now it had become too long to handle. It felt good getting the hair away again.

Once she was done, she styled my hair a little, showing me what would look best, and then she told me what products I should use.

To be honest, I wasn’t paying much attention. I felt really out of it the whole afternoon, and I wasn’t even sure why. Andy and Jessie were in a great mood, and they talked and laughed as we walked through the mall. I followed somewhere behind them, and although it looked like I was deep in thought, I wasn’t thinking about anything. My mind was completely blank.

Suddenly, I heard Jessie saying something that caught my attention: “Would you dare kissing him here, though?” She grinned widely at Andy, keeping her voice down so I wouldn’t hear. But I heard.

Andy turned his head slightly, glancing back at me, before looking at my sister. “Probably, but he’d kill me,” he replied.

“Yes, he would!” I yelled back at Andy. “He’d kill you on the spot!”

“Such a grump,” Jess muttered. “You should just do it, Andy; it serves him right.”

Andy let out a small laugh. “I’d sacrifice tonight’s sexual activities, though.”

“Meh, just rape him,” Jessie giggled.

“That’s not funny!” I cried, running up to them so I wouldn’t be so far behind any longer. “You shouldn’t be joking about that!”

“Oh, relax, you!” she told me, shoving me lightly in Andy’s direction. “You’re so uptight all the time, it’s not healthy.”

Andy suddenly grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me to him, kissing me on the lips.

My eyes went wide, and my body couldn’t even respond to it. It all happened too fast.

He then pulled back, grinning at me, then at Jessie. “There you go!”

I felt how my cheeks went bright red as I glared at him. “You asshole!”

People had turned their heads in our direction, wondering what all the kissing and yelling was about. They probably thought we were crazy, since this kind of activity wasn’t normal in a small town like this one. Both Andy and I came from bigger places, and seeing two guys kissing each other was normal back there. But here? In Sanford? Not likely…

Andy and Jessie were laughing at all the attention we were getting as they hurried towards the door. I ran after them, not wanting to be there another minute, receiving dirty looks from conservative housewives, and whatnot.

…

By one in the afternoon, I was already done getting ready for the party, my body clean, my hair washed and styled, and my new clothes were on, making me look new, in a way. As I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, I knew it had been a good choice going out with Jessica to get new clothes and a haircut. She really did look out for me and this made me realize how much she cared about me. It was only fair that I returned the favor. I just didn’t know how yet.

I went to my room after I finished up in the bathroom. For some reason, I felt the need to get on MSN. Greg practically jumped me when I signed in. He wanted to know how I was doing and what my new piece-of-crap town was like. I just told him it was a piece-of-crap town, but that I had managed to make a few friends, surprisingly enough. Greg ranted on about our old classmates, and after a while, he started telling me about how well he and Ashley were doing. This was the part I didn’t want to hear, so I only gave him short replies.

Mikey suddenly noticed I was there as well, so he started chatting with me. It felt kind of good to talk to my old friends again. This was where I belonged, after all. These people were the people I had surrounded myself with back in New York, the people I had grown up with. Mikey told me that I shouldn’t look back and miss them, and rather look ahead and greet my new friends with open arms. I guess he was right in a way. Andy and Nicky and the rest of them, they were the ones that mattered now.

After spending about an hour on the computer, chatting with my old friends, Mom called for me. She wanted me to walk Austin, since I had been getting out of taking care of the dog so much lately. I unhappily agreed to take the dog out. I didn’t bother to walk for that long, since Austin did his business already on the neighbor's lawn. I disposed of it in the nearest trash can.

Once I came back inside the house, Mom called my name again. “Josh? Come to the kitchen for a minute.”

I got my shoes off and walked into the kitchen. “Yeah, Mom?”

She held up a letter. “We received a letter from your school about you switching forms and all that. Do you still want to switch, or are you happy with your classes?”

“Oh, crap, I forgot about that..!”

She gave me a blank stare. “I take that as a no to switching forms.”

“Yeah, no, I’m happy with my classes,” I told her. “Me and Andy are doing great, so there’s no point in switching.”

“I thought so,” she said, smiling at me. “You, Jessie and Andy have to be ready by six-thirty, okay? Your father is driving you so you’ll be at the party at seven. Are Andy’s parents still picking you up at midnight?”

“Most likely,” I told her. “Andy hasn’t sent me a text or anything saying they’ve changed their minds.” I shrugged. “I just don’t wanna leave at midnight…”

“It’s because of Jessie that we bring you home that early, sweetie,” she said. “And even Andrew’s parents agreed that midnight was late enough for all three of you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” I muttered as I turned around, heading back out of the kitchen.

I camped in my room until I got hungry. I went back down to get some lunch, since we’d had breakfast at ten, just about, when Jessie and I normally got up during weekends.

Waiting for the time to reach six was mad boring. I kept myself somewhat busy watching TV, a movie, chatting on MSN and eating. Jessie probably spent nearly three hours to get ready for the party, so she wasn’t bored. I find it strange that some girls can spend that much time to get ready for something. I can understand an hour, because they have to shower, fix their hair and their make-up and so on. But three hours? I swear, only my sister can do that.

Andy finally came around my house a little past six. We went up to my room for a little while waiting for Dad to tell us it was time to leave.

He pinned me down on the bed once we had shut the door behind us. “You smell nice,” he told me, grinning widely, before leaning down and kissing me.

I returned the kiss, grabbing a handful of his shirt in both hands to pull him closer.

He broke the kiss eventually. “I could just tear your clothes off and do you right here and now… But I won’t…” He smiled lovingly at me.

“It would probably not be the best idea, no,” I replied, grinning sheepishly.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “Let’s save it for after the party.” He grinned seductively at me.

I returned the grin, pressing my lower body against his. “I’m in.”

He leaned down and continued kissing me. We must have blocked out everything as the make-out session went on, because we didn’t notice that someone entered the room before a bright flash of light disturbed us and brought us back to the real world.

We broke the kiss, both of us staring towards the door with fear in our eyes.

Jessie grinned widely at us, camera in hand.

My heart was still pounding in my chest, and my face was bright red. “For crying out loud, Jess!” I cried.

“That picture was perfect!” she chimed, having a look at the little screen on her digital camera. “You were completely in your own little world, and you didn’t even hear me! There’s so much passion in this picture!” She held the camera against her chest, as if she truly treasured the photo she had just managed to get of us.

“I want a copy of that picture,” Andy told her, a smile on his face. Apparently, he didn’t mind my sister barging in on us anymore.

That horrible feeling in my stomach started to pass, but I was still feeling nervous about the whole situation. If it had been my mother walking in, I have no idea what I would have done. I would most likely have started to cry.

“Of course, Andy!” she replied, having another look at the picture. “Anyways, Dad says it’s time to go, so now you know.” She skipped out of my room again and headed downstairs.

“I’m starting to really like that girl,” Andy muttered, still with a smile. He then climbed off of me and got out on the floor.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “She’s not so bad…” I stood up next to him, thinking about how fast time had passed as we had been in my room. I checked the time, just to see for how long we had been in our own little bliss. Jessie was right, though. It was about time we left.

I led the way out of my bedroom, and Andy followed, shutting the door behind us.

Dad was downstairs in the hall, getting his shoes on. He looked up as he heard us. “Hey, Andy; how’s it going?”

“Life is practically perfect, sir,” Andy replied in a mature way.

“Excellent,” Dad said a grin on his face. I knew he liked Andy. He liked the fact that I was hanging out with someone as mature as him. He didn’t smoke, he didn’t drink, he didn’t do drugs, and best of all, he liked my dad’s screwed-up son. What more could he ask for, right? Although he never expected this boy to be making out with his son on the second floor, but that’s an entirely different story…

As we all went out of the house and got in the car, Jessie started talking about how amazing her friend Tommy was, before ranting about all the cool people that apparently were going to be at the party. Dad encouraged her about having a good time, but warned her about touching any alcohol.

“If I catch either of you guys with alcohol in you, you know what’s going to happen,” he told us, looking from Jessie, who was sitting next to him, to me in the rearview mirror. His eyes clearly told me he wasn’t joking.

“Dad, we get it!” Jessie said, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder.

“I don’t only want you guys to get what I’m saying; I want you to also keep it in mind.”

“We’re old enough to understand, Dad,” I told him from the backseat.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Reed,” Andy shot in. “I’ll make sure they stay clean tonight.”

Dad grinned widely and turned his head slightly to see him. “Attaboy, Andy!”

As we rolled up outside Nicky’s house, it was obvious there was a party going on in there. Lights were on, the music was loud, and there were some teenagers on the front porch.

All the kids got out of the car.

“Alright, the Petersons will be picking you up at midnight, and not a minute later,” Dad told us. “Got that?”

“Yes!” Jessie replied in an annoyed fashion, before running up the driveway.

“Sure, thanks, Dad,” I answered, smiling at him.

He returned the smile. “And don’t forget to have fun.” He then drove off.

I turned to Andy. “Party time?”

He grinned his trademark grin. “Party time!”

We both headed up to the house. Nicky was one of the people on the front porch, and she looked up, smiling happily as we approached her.

“Josh! Andy, you’re both here!”

“Of course we are,” I replied, returning the smile.

“It’s amazing how early some people have showed up,” she told us. “The guys who brought the beer keg have already arrived, though, so help yourselves to alcohol. Everything’s in the kitchen, and there are some guys in there right now, trying to get drunk.”

“Oh, uh, we’re not supposed to drink,” I told her, smiling nervously.

Andy nudged me. “Of course we’re gonna drink!” He pushed me inside the house and headed for the kitchen.

I followed him there, taking a look at all the guys who were in there. I shortly after received a plastic glass of beer. Biting my lip, I looked down at the golden brownish liquid with the foam on top.

“Chug, chug, chug, chug!” Some of the other guys were cheering on this poor dude who had said he would drink a very big glass of beer.

I hesitated, before taking a small sip. I ended up wrinkling my nose in disgust, sticking my tongue out. “It tastes like crap…”

“What, you know what crap tastes like?” Andy said jokingly.

I shot him a glare. “No, but I’m sure this is what crap tastes like!”

Andy took a big sip of his own beer. “No, no, this is beer.”

“You actually like this stuff?” I asked, my eyes wide.

“Not particularly,” he told me. “Actually, it doesn’t taste good to me, but it’s alcohol.”

“We’re not even meant to get drunk, Andrew…” I growled, before putting my beer down on the counter.

“Alright, I’ll try to find something else for you,” he told me, walking over to the fridge. He took out a small bottle of a white beverage. “Smirnoff Ice! I don’t know a single person who doesn’t like this.” He handed it to me.

I sighed, taking the bottle from him. After opening it, I took a sip. Then another. “Not bad,” I muttered.

“See, I told you so!” he exclaimed happily.

“I’d still pick Coke before this stuff, though,” I added.

“Alright, I’ll try to get you some Coke with vodka in it later,” he told me.

“Whatever…” I walked off, out of the kitchen and into the living room. I ended up greeting some of the people I knew from my classes.

Eventually, the room started filling up with people, and the music got louder. By the time it had passed nine, the place was jumping. I had spent my time chatting with people I knew and hanging with Andy, playing the ‘who’s gonna get laid tonight?’ game. I was also forced to keep drinking, and the alcohol started working on me. By now I felt a bit more hyper than normal, but I didn’t feel very different, and I didn’t feel like throwing up or anything. I had complete control of my actions, I was just a little more happy to be there than I was when I had first arrived.

Suddenly, I spotted David Miles, the kid from my Spanish class that had ended up in trouble with coach Sterns the week before. I stood up from the comfortable chair I had been sitting in for the last hour. “Hey! Hey, David!”

David walked over to me, smiling. “Hi, Josh! What’s up?”

“Dude, you know, like, last week?” I started. “You know, in P.E. and all that crap… I just wanted to say I was sorry. It was my fault you had to take those ten extra push-ups.”

“You actually walk around remembering stuff like that?” he asked, laughing a little.

“I’m a loser, you can say it,” I snorted.

“No, no! It’s nice of you to apologize, you know,” he told me. “So, why are you at this party? You don’t seem like the partying type.”

“Oh,” I muttered. “Well…I’m a friend of Nicky’s… She insisted I’d come.”

“Kinda like with me,” he said. “My two friends dragged me here. I’d much rather be playing WoW right now.”

“I hear that!”

“You play WoW?” he asked, taking a sip of some kind of alcoholic beverage.

“Not that much,” I admitted. “I tried it, with that trial and all that, but I never got around to buying the game. It’s awesome, though, so I might actually start playing it for real.”

“Hell, yeah!” he exclaimed. “You should! As you reach higher levels, it gets a lot more fun.”

Andy walked up behind me, wondering what we were talking about. “Is that nerd talk I hear?”

“Hey, Andy, right?” David asked, grinning at him.

“The same,” Andy replied. “I’m actually amazed people remember my name. I’ve had so many random people just come up and greet me and crap. They all seem to know my name.”

“It’s probably because of how you stood up to Eric Walker,” a girl shot in. It was Lucy, Nicky’s friend who had always liked Andy. She smiled at him. “That was pretty cool of you. They’re all talking about how you don’t take crap from anyone. You’re any girl’s dream guy.” She winked at him, before walking away from us, heading over to some of her other friends.

Jealousy. Taking over. Thank goodness I can control my anger most of the time…

David raised his eyebrows, smiling, as he looked from Lucy to Andy. “Smooth. I think you have an admirer.”

Andy laughed a little. “Yeah, maybe. But I already have my eyes on someone else.”

“I see,” the other boy replied, grinning widely. “A faithful man. I respect that.”

“Well, it’s hard to deny it when it’s real, you know what I’m saying?”

I couldn’t utter a single word, knowing I’d probably end up saying something stupid. So I just stood there, pretending like I didn’t hate Lucy for hitting on Andy, pretending I didn’t get jealous because everybody liked him so much, pretending like I didn’t want to be like him, even.

Shortly after this event, someone insisted on drunken ‘Spin the bottle’, and since I had bad experience with these kind of immature games, I stayed clear of the circle of teenagers on the floor. There was a lot of kissing, drinking, stripping, and other silly things going on. I was merely watching it from my safe spot in the comfortable armchair.

Nicky was one of them, escaping the worst dares. She was clearly having a blast with her house party, and I was happy for her. She deserved to have a good time. The whole time, she kept looking over at me, smiling and catching my attention. She did beg me to join the game a couple of times, but I said no.

I noticed Andy hanging out with some other guys from our classes that he had spoken to before. He was having a great time, making jokes, laughing and drinking. I decided I would let him be alone for a little, so he didn’t feel like I was some kind of clingy girlfriend or something. That would have been disgusting.

Even my sister was running around, befriending everyone and holding onto Tommy’s hand most of the time. I was happy for her.

To my horrible surprise, Eric Walker made a loud entrance along with some of his friends later on, but he left me alone, thankfully. He did send me a few glares whenever he saw me, though.

The night went on, with more games, dancing and drinking. Some people started to become so drunk that they passed out on the couch and ran to hurl in the bathrooms.

I, on the other hand, was calmly watching everything from my precious armchair. Andy came over and talked to me every now and then, and at some point, Nicky came over, offering me more alcohol. I wanted to pass, but I took the drink anyway.

“You’ve been pretty quiet all night,” she said to me.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know that many people here, and…-” I started. “Yeah, I’m no much of a drinker. I’m not your average party animal.”

She let out a giggle. “That’s why you should drink more, ‘cause then you’ll talk a lot more and get to know people.”

“Uhm, no thanks,” I muttered, letting out a nervous laugh.

She smiled at me, then she looked down at her drink in her hand. “Say…is that girl you’re in love with here, at the party?”

“Err…” I didn’t know what to say. Either way, I had to lie. “No…”

“Good!” she chimed. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.” She stood up, taking my hand. “Come with me.”

I obediently stood up as she tugged at my hand. “Alright.”

She took me with her down to her bedroom in the basement. “It’s a good thing not many people know my room is down here,” she said, grinning at me as she shut the door tightly.

“Yeah, I suppose,” I muttered. “So, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?”

She moved over to the bed, pushing me down on it. Then she took one of my hands in hers. “Josh…”

I blinked, confused about what was going on. “Yes..?”

“Joshua…” She spoke with a low voice, almost as if she was telling me a secret. “When you told me you liked someone else…I’ll be honest, I got jealous. I want to know who this girl is…”

I frowned, still confused. “What? But it’s not important.”

“I don’t want to go around not knowing who it is that’s so much more special than I am,” she told me, sighing.

“Nicky… You’re special, too…”

“Don’t give me that crap, Josh,” she muttered, looking down at the floor while letting go of my hand.

“It’s not crap, it’s the truth!” I insisted. “I told you that if it wasn’t for this other person, I would’ve practically jumped you. You’re gorgeous, you’re smart, you’re funny, you’re talented, you’re awesome -…”

She cut me off. “And yet you don’t like me.”

“Listen…” I started, taking her hands in mine again. “I like you… I like you a lot… I really do… But I had to make a choice… And I value our friendship way too much to screw up between us only because I honestly am a lousy boyfriend. I mean, I haven’t had many relationships before, so…you know, we’re better off being friends.”

“You wouldn’t be a lousy boyfriend,” she muttered. “You were so sweet on our date.”

“Yeah, but let’s face it, I’m no Casanova,” I said. “You deserve someone better, someone who will treat you right.”

She sighed again. “You must really hate me…”

“No! Didn’t you hear what I said? I like you! I really, really like -!”

She once again cut me off, but without words this time. Her hands pulled me closer and her lips met mine. I couldn’t do anything else but kiss her back at this point. If I pushed her off, she would have become hurt, and if I broke the kiss, she would have continued kissing me. I was screwed no matter what I did, but I figured it was merely the alcohol that made her act this way, and that she would be back to normal again once she sobered up. So for now, I kissed her as well.

Her hands traveled down my chest to my stomach, before she moves them back up, to the first button on my shirt. She started to unbutton the shirt to get rid of it, apparently. I didn’t know what to do at this point, so I just kept my hands on her hips.

She became more passionate as she tore the shirt off my shoulders, and I had no choice but to follow her lead. I honestly thought she would never stop. But then it happened. We were interrupted, almost as if someone had heard my silent prayer for this to end. Not because I didn’t enjoy kissing her, but because I couldn’t enjoy it. I was together with Andy. Kissing Nicky was like cheating on him.

Nicky finally pulled back, breaking the kiss. We both turned to see who was standing in the door.

My eyes went wide when I saw him, and I swore this night couldn’t get any worse. I was wrong about that, though.

Somehow I managed to say only one thing: “Andy!”

Andy stared back at us, clearly not believing what he was seeing.

“This isn’t what it looks like!” I cried, my heart beating so hard it felt like it was hurting my head.

“No, of course it isn’t,” he muttered, before turning around quickly and taking off.

“Andy, wait!” I got up from the bed as fast as I could and ran after him.

He was faster than me, so he managed to get up the stairs. Due to the crowds up there, though, he was slowed down a bit, enough for me to catch up with him. I grabbed his arm.

“Listen to me, Andy!” I demanded. “I didn’t kiss her, she kissed me!”

“Oh, yeah, like I haven’t heard that one before,” he growled, ripping his arm back out of my grip. He then started walking through the living room, heading for the hall to the front door.

“It’s true!” I yelled, hurrying after him. “I promise, Andy! I wouldn’t lie to you! You’re the only one I want!”

Andy froze in his tracks, and so did I when I realized what it was I had yelled out for everyone to hear.

People had stopped what they were doing, and now they were staring at me.

One person started clapping, and a familiar voice called out to me: “Way to go, Reed, you blew your own cover!” It was Eric Walker, of course; the only one except my sister who had known the truth about me and Andy. But now everyone knew. “Faggot!”

My heart was racing in my chest, my cheeks were turning a deep shade of crimson, and I felt as if I was about to throw up. I couldn’t believe I had yelled that out in front of so many people.

Andy turned around to look at me, his face clearly telling me he was not happy. His cheeks had gone red as well.

People were now laughing and giggling and making jokes about us.

I slowly looked around, and behind me I saw Nicky. She had a shocked look on her face, and she stared right back at me.

“It was…Andy?” she asked, breathlessly. “This whole time?”

I lowered my head in shame, unable to answer her question. It took me less than five seconds to realize I couldn’t be in that room any longer. I took off running, heading for the front door. Once I was out, I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I just kept running and running, not looking back, not slowing down.

I was running away. Away from it all. My life was officially over…