My Paradise: Chapter 10

Sometimes when you fear something, the best thing to do is just face it. Face your fear and get over yourself. When you live a life where you’ve sheltered your own fragile mind from certain things that you thought were bad, because you didn’t want to be bad yourself, you tend to make twisted images in your head. It’s not quite what it is anymore once you’ve turned it inside out.

The human brain is funny like that. It makes you fear what you don’t need to fear, it makes you think of things in ways it didn’t need to be thought of. You often fear new things.

In this case, I’m speaking of sex. When you’ve grown up in a society where you see all kind of crazy things, you decide that you do not wish to end up like that. I, for one, wanted to become another one of those white guys with a suit that worked in an office building and stayed away from drugs. I imagined getting the perfect wife, the perfect family, the perfect job and all that jazz. But you know, now that my heart took me elsewhere in life, I suddenly realized that I don’t need all that shit to live comfortably.

Once Andy touched me the first time, I did feel the way anyone would expect me to feel. I got all tingly and strange, and it almost felt as if I was about to faint. I really loved it, even if I was a bit worried. You could actually say that Andy freed me, in many ways that no one else was ever able to do before. I now slowly opened up for new things, and the world wasn’t that scary anymore.

It was now Saturday morning, and I woke up in Andy’s arms, our bare skin touching. I didn’t wake up of natural causes, however. My cell phone was ringing.

I sat up quickly. “Oh, shit! I forgot to tell Mom and Dad I was sleeping here!” I jumped out of the bed, suddenly remembering I wasn’t wearing any clothes. There was no time to worry about that now, though. I just grabbed the cell phone from Andy’s desk and looked at the screen. It said: “Incoming call: Dad.”

Andy sat up slightly, leaning on one elbow. “Who is it?” He yawned.

“It’s my dad…” I slowly pressed the button to answer it and held the phone up to my ear. “Hello?”

“Josh, it’s Dad,” my dad said, sounding stressed. “Where the hell are you? You said you’d be back when Andy’s parents got home! What, are they still not there or something?”

“I-I… They’re here… I just -…”

“You could’ve at least called us or left a text message!” he yelled. “You had us worried sick, son!”

“I’m sorry, Dad…” I muttered. “It won’t happen again…”

My dad is the kind of man you don’t want to piss off. He’s a fairly happy man, but when he gets mad, he gets mad. When I did something bad when I was younger, he grabbed my arm so hard, it bruised. His voice gets loud and scary when he’s mad.

“It better not,” he said angrily. “I want you to come home now and have breakfast with us. And when I say now, I mean now.”

“I’m coming, alright?” I said, slightly annoyed.

“Good.” He then hung up.

“Ugh, I hate parents!” I growled, hurling my phone into my pile of clothes on the floor. I turned around towards the bed again. To my surprise, Andy was grinning at me.

“You’re sexy,” he told me, still with that stupid grin on his face.

“Didn’t you hear my dad?” I asked him, raising an eyebrow. “He’s pissed off. I have to go home now, or else I don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

“Aww, no,” he protested, his grin fading. “I wanted morning sex.”

“Then play with yourself,” I snapped, grabbing my boxers from the floor and pulling them on. “I can’t stay. Sorry, but you don’t know how my dad gets.”

He blinked, confused. “I guess you’re right… I don’t…”

I continued to get dressed. “As much as I wish to be here, I can’t, Andy…” I fastened the belt on my jeans and pulled my shoes on. I walked over and kissed him on the lips. “I’ll see you later…”

He kissed me back, then he looked at me with a sad expression. “I miss you already…”

I moved away from him, waving once before opening the door to his room. I ran out of the house and I didn’t stop until I reached the front porch of my own home. I took a deep breath and walked right in. I found my family in the kitchen.

They all looked up at me as I walked in, but no one said anything.

I felt the anger rising inside me. “Dad, let’s just settle this… I’m sorry for not telling you I was staying over at Andy’s. It got late and I simply forgot.”

He turned his head to me. “How can you forget about your own family?”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. “We were watching a cool movie on TV, and it was interesting, but I ended up falling asleep.” It was a lie. I couldn’t tell them I had been busy having sex with my new best friend either. “I’m sorry, and it won’t ever happen again.”

Dad nodded, showing my apology was accepted. “Good. However, I think you’ve seen enough of Andy for this weekend. I suggest you stay home.”

“What, I’m grounded?!” I cried.

“It’s just so you’ll learn, Josh,” Mom told me. “We can’t let you off the hook that easily.”

“Well, that’s just perfect,” I growled, before walking over to the table and taking a seat. I didn’t even eat much. I was mostly poking the omelet with my fork. All I could think about was Andy.

Once breakfast was finally over with, I walked straight up to my bedroom. I was thinking of what Andy and I had done the night before, and I wondering why I didn’t feel ashamed about it, like I normally had about any sexually related thoughts or actions I had ever had or done before.

…

My cell phone rang a while later. I wasn’t too keen on knowing who it was that was bugging me at the time, so I slowly got up from my office chair and made my way over to the bed, where I had chucked the phone earlier. I looked down at the display and realized it was Andy that was calling me. I quickly picked it up, answering.

“Andy?”

“Hey, Josh, what’s going on?” he asked me. “Did your parents flip?”

I sighed. “You’re damn right they flipped. My dad said I couldn’t see you anymore this weekend… If he cheers up, I might still be able to see you tomorrow.”

“Are you kidding?!”

I had to move the phone a few inches from my ear at the sudden shouting.

“He can’t be serious! This isn’t happening to me! I don’t need another person taken away from me because of narrow-minded parents!”

“Calm down, Andy. Breathe. My dad does not know about us. Got that? The only reason why he’s mad is because I didn’t tell them where I was. That’s all. Okay?”

He went silent for a few second. “Alright… So…do you think he’d refuse to let you meet me if you told him the truth?”

“I strongly doubt that, dude,” I assured him.

I managed to calm Andy down, and then we talked for a few more minutes before we said goodbye. I spent the rest of the Saturday night in my room. If I went downstairs, I would have to see my father, and that wasn’t exactly a high priority at the moment. It just bothered me. What kind of loser spend his Saturday night at home in his room when he really has friends out there to hang out with? The kind of loser that has a father to set the rules in his house, that’s who.

The following afternoon, Mom came to my room and told me to go out and get some fresh air. I took that as Dad’s signal. He was no longer mad at me, so he sent Mom up to tell me it was all okay.

I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to take a stroll around the neighborhood with my music on, or if I wanted to head over to Andy’s house to check on him. I ended up bringing my MP3 player either way. Once I walked down from the front porch, I suddenly felt so free. I was away from my family. It was exactly what I needed.

I headed the opposite way of Andy’s house, walking with my hands buried in my pockets, my head lowered and my music deafening me. Around me, I could see little kids out playing. One kid fell off his bike on the other side of the street. I didn’t pay attention, and just kept walking. I ended up walking closer and closer to town, although most places were closed by now.

The sign from a 7-Eleven shop caught my attention. I figured a soda wouldn’t hurt right about now, so I walked right in, grabbing a cold Coca Cola from the fridge. Once I turned around, turning my music off, to head over to the register, three familiar teenagers stood in front of me, all glaring.

“So it was you,” the guy in the middle said. Once my brain started to focus, I finally remembered the boy’s name. Eric Walker. He and two of his friends had followed me into the store.

I froze. I couldn’t move, talk, or even breathe.

The guy on the far right chuckled. “He’s about to piss himself, man!”

“Yo, what makes you think you can actually avoid me forever, man?” Eric asked, walking closer to me, getting all up in my face. “You do remember why I’m pissed with you, right, bitch?”

“Hey!” the store clerk called out, catching our attention. “I don’t want any of that shit in here, okay? Take it outside, boys.”

Eric looked back at me, narrowing his eyes. “You got lucky, cocksucker… See you outside.” He then turned on the heel and walked away, leaving the store with his two friends, the two of them turning around and snickering and miming how they would torture me.

I shuddered and swallowed hard as I watched them leave the store. I hurried over to the register and paid for my soda.

“Uhm, you wouldn’t know of a way to get rid of those guys, would you?” I carefully asked, glancing out the window at the three guys.

“Kick them in the balls, kid,” he replied, grinning at me with crooked yellow teeth.

I sighed. Suppose this guy never had to deal with bullies, huh?

I slowly walked over to the door, carefully looking outside. They were still there, Eric and his two friends. They could easily beat me up. I knew they were all stronger than me, after watching them in P.E. and all.

I thought to myself; How pathetic would it be to call Andy for help right about now? I picked my phone out of my pocket and looked at it. My face reflected itself in the display. It looked absolutely terrified. But who could blame me? Out there, on the other side of that door, waited one of my biggest nightmares. I couldn’t stand fighting, I couldn’t stand bullies, I couldn’t stand the thought of fighting the three of them all at once.

I went through my contact list and found Andy’s number. Something inside me told me to call him, while something else inside me told me not to. It would be silly, pathetic and embarrassing to call him and tell him my situation, but what other choices did I have? I could go out there and get the crap beaten out of me, or I could beg for help.

I pressed the key, calling him. I lifted the phone to my ear, waiting for Andy to pick up. And I waited…and waited… No answer. Crap. I hung up, trying again. Still no answer. I looked outside again, seeing Eric glaring back at me from the other side of the window. My eyes grew wide and I quickly looked away.

A desperate thought crossed my mind. Mom and Dad! They could come pick me up! I knew it was totally lame, but they were my only hope now. Just as I was about to call Mom’s cell up, my phone started ringing. It was Andy! I answered it.

“Andy!”

“Josh? What’s the matter?”

“Where were you?!”

“Relax, man, I was taking a dump!” he replied. “Can’t a guy shit in peace anymore?”

“Thanks for the lovely images, Andrew…” I muttered, before going hyper again. “You have to come to the 7-Eleven shop! The one three blocks away from my house! You know which one I mean?”

“Yeah, I go there to buy donuts for Dad all the time,” he told me. “He’s too lazy to drive, and he says a little exercise is good for me. Anyways, what’s going on at 7-Eleven?”

“Eric fucking Walker is here!” I whimpered, through gritted teeth. “If I go outside, he’ll make some kind of exotic appetizer out of my nose, seriously! He’s still mad about the hockey stick incident. But the dude behind the counter threw them out before Eric got to hit me or anything.”

“Alright, alright, relax,” he said, comfortingly. “I’ll be there in a few minutes, okay? I’ll take the bike. Stay where you are, have a donut, and I’ll be there before you even get to say yummy frosting.”

Thank you so much…”

“Anytime, dude.” He then hung up.

I anxiously looked out the window again, slowly opening my bottle of soda. I took a sip of it, glancing back at the clerk.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Are you planning on staying here all day, kid?”

“No, I’m just waiting for my friend,” I told him.

“Oh, I see,” he muttered, nodding a couple of times, before dealing with some sausages on the heating device. He probably thought I was being silly. But he just didn’t realize how dangerous Eric Walker really was. If I stepped out there, I would probably have my nose broken in places I didn’t know it could break.

After a little while, I saw Andy breaking roughly on his bike outside the store, stopping right by Eric Walker and his two friends. They started talking about something. I took my chance and hurried out there, hiding behind Andy and his bike.

“This is our neighborhood, too, man!” one of Eric’s friends barked at Andy.

“Whatever, just get the fuck outta here, and stop harassing Josh,” Andy replied with a serious tone of voice.

“I’ll never stop bugging that asswipe before he’s paid his debt to me!” Eric growled, shooting me a death glare.

I tightened my grip on the soda bottle.

“Walk away, Walker,” Andy said firmly, raising an eyebrow. “You don’t wanna fight me anyways.”

“What are you, his bitch or something?” one of the other guys said, pointing from Andy to me. “You’re always there when little Josh gets in trouble.”

“Man, go suck a dick,” Andy hissed. “We’ve got better things to do than to stand here and argue with you pussies all day.”

“Yeah, exactly!” Eric laughed. “Like suck each other’s dicks!” The three boys laughed.

Andy and I glared at them. “See you around, dickheads,” he growled, turning his bike around abruptly. I moved a little and got right next to him, staying close to him as we superiorly walked away.

“Yeah, that’s right!” one of the boys shouted. “Run away, bitches! Ruuuun!” They all laughed.

Andy lifted one hand over his shoulder, flipping them off without turning around.

After we rounded the block, I looked at him. “Thank you!”

He looked back at me. “Anything for you, dude.” A smile lit his serious face up.

“If it wasn’t for the fact that we’re outside right now, I’d kiss you!”

He grinned and moved his face up in mine, quickly kissing me on the lips.

I jumped to the side to get away from him, looking around in all directions, hoping no one saw that.

He chuckled. “Man, the look on your face! Priceless!”

I turned to him and glared, making a very angry face. “Don’t ever do that again!”

“Oh, fine, Princess Josh,” he said, snickering. “You’re such a drag sometimes.”

“And never call me Princess again either!”

“Priiincess!”

“Stop it!”

“Princess, Princess, Princess, Princess!”

I reached over to grab him around the neck and playfully choke him, but he dodged me and got on the bike, quickly pedaling away from me.

“Hah-hah! Little Princess Josh!”

“Hey!” I started chasing him. It must have been a seriously stupid sight, but we didn’t care.

…

There was a knock on my door.

Andy and I both looked up from our work and over at the door as Jessica entered.

“Josh, Bradley’s on the phone,” she told me, holding the wireless phone out to me.

For some reason, I was surprised. “What?” But I stood up and grabbed the phone, none the less. “Bradley?”

His voice sounded so strange to me now. “Hey, Josh!”

“Wow, I haven’t spoken with you in a while, dude,” I said, feeling a little awkward. I turned around, looking over at Andy, who was on the bed, piecing together the last pages of our English assignment. He didn’t look enthused about the fact that I got a phone call.

“Yeah, I know,” he replied. “I thought you were gonna call me, but I left you alone for a while to see if you’d feel any better. How’s school?”

“It’s alright, I made a few friends now,” I told him. “One’s named Andy, and he’s currently over, working on our English assignment.”

“Yeah, Jessie told me,” he said. “How’s Andy? What kind of person is he?”

“Well…” I glanced over at Andy, and he sent me a puzzled look back. “He’s one of a kind, that’s for sure, heh.” I quickly walked out of the room, past Jessie, to get a little privacy on the phone. I ended up walking into my parents’ bedroom, sitting down on their bed. “He’s nothing like us… He’s a little insane, but still nice and funny. However, he has mood swings… I don’t always know what he’s on about…”

“Oh, I see,” Bradley muttered. “Well, as long as he’s nice, I guess you’re good, right?”

“Possibly,” I said, glancing out the window behind me. “I don’t really know how to explain what I think of him… My mind’s messed up lately.”

“How so?”

“I don’t really know… I mean…I feel really alone here, even if I’ve made a few friends.”

“It’s probably because you miss us, dude.”

“True… I miss you and Greg…and Mikey… And the others.”

“I totally understand,” he assured me. “I’d miss you like hell, too, if I moved away. Also, I miss having you here, man. It’s not the same without you, but I’ll manage. I was thinking I could come over some time.”

“That would be awesome!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah, I know! See, I’ve been checking things out. I can fly from JFK and land in Portland, and then I could either get picked up or take the train to Sanford from there. Good plan, huh?”

“Indeed,” I replied, smiling.

“By the way, you should get your butt on MSN every now and then,” he said. “I’ve been checking it often, just to see if you’re online.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry…” I muttered. “I’ve just…been a little out of it, so MSN hasn’t been a high priority. Actually, I stopped going online a little because of Greg and Ashley. It sickens me to see the hearts in their names and all that shit.”

“Oh, I totally get your point.”

“How’s the happy couple, anyways?”

“Well, the last thing I heard, they’re doing great… A little too great, if you catch my drift.”

“They didn’t!”

“Oh, they did…”

“Gross… I didn’t think Ashley was that loose…”

“They’ve been together for around a month and a half, though, what do you expect?”

I sighed. “Yeah…” I remembered I wasn’t any better. I had known Andy for three weeks, and we had already been with each other.

“But hey, let’s talk to our parents about this whole me-coming-over deal!” he said, changing the subject. “I’d love to come over as soon as possible. The tickets aren’t even that expensive. They’re about one hundred and fifty for a roundtrip right about now. Maybe I could come stay for a few days. Like, from Friday to Tuesday or something, just skipping a couple of days of school.”

“That could work, if your mom lets you,” I told him. “Mom and Dad would definitely say yes.”

“Awesome!”

We carried on talking a little more about him coming over and then some about our families. It felt good talking to him again, even though I felt awkward in the beginning. I was able to open up completely and tell him how I was doing. If I told Andy everything I felt, I would hurt his feelings. So talking to Bradley did me good.

Once the conversation was over, we promised to talk more often before we said goodbye and hung up. I went back to my bedroom, finding Andy and Jessie on my bed, talking. They both stopped once I entered, looking at me.

I got a suspicious look on my face. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, nothing,” Jessie chirped. She stood up, grabbing the wireless phone from me. “I’ll go back downstairs with this, so Dad won’t flip. Had a nice chat with Bradley?”

“Uhm, yeah...” I looked at her, a little confused. “It was good.”

She smiled. “Good!” Then she left the room.

I looked at Andy. “What was that all about?”

He just shrugged. “Nothing’s going on, really.” He looked down at the papers again.

“Andrew?”

He looked back at me, raising an eyebrow. “Yes, dear?”

I folded my arms over my chest, narrowing my eyes at him. “What were you two talking about?”

“You wanna know?”

“Yes, that would be nice!” I exclaimed.

“Alright, fine,” he said, annoyed. “I heard what you told your precious Bradley about me. I can’t believe after all of this, you still manage to print me as bad.”

I sighed. “I knew it…”

“Am I really that terrible?”

“It’s not that, Andy…” I muttered. “I care for you…a lot… But let’s face it, you’re not exactly the guy I grew up with, are you? I’ve known you for less than a month.”

He sent me a glare. “Uh-huh…”

“Alright, I’m sorry!” I walked over to the bed, sitting down. “But I couldn’t exactly tell him what you and I did lately!”

He sighed, looking down at the bed, before looking back at me. “You know, Josh, I don’t even bother discussing this. I like your sister. At least she’s understanding.”

“My sister’s an idiot…”

“You’re the idiot!” He shoved me lightly. “You’re so in denial! You’re so far up your ass that you’re missing the most wonderful feeling in the world – falling in love. You’re far too busy pointing out the negative sides about loving a guy, that you completely ignore the positive sides.”

“I thought you didn’t wanna discuss this,” I muttered. I regretted saying that. Crap.

His eyes went wide, a sign that he was clearly insulted. “Get your ass back on that chair and finish your part of the paper. Now.” He pointed at the office chair by my desk.

I stood up and walked back to my computer, slowly. I felt so bad for acting this way towards him. But he had to stop taking everything he heard so personally. What if these were my issues? What if he was perfect, while I was messed up? He didn’t seem to get that.

After a few minutes of staring at my computer screen, trying to concentrate, I turned towards him again. “I’m so sorry, Andy…”

He didn’t look up from the big book he was doing the last research in. “It’s a little too late for that…” he muttered to me.

“Well, what do you want me to say?” I asked. “That I shouldn’t have told my best friend in the world the truth? That you’re perfect and I’m just some kind of loser? That you’re too good for me? Fine! I’ll say it! You are too good for me, Andy!”

He looked at me, speaking up before I got the chance to continue. “That’s not the point! Point is you speak before you think! Why do you need to impress Bradley by telling him I’m some kind of freak? What good do you get out of hiding what you truly feel for me?”

I raised an eyebrow, completely confused. “You’re worried about what Bradley thinks of you?”

“No!!” he yelled, throwing the book down on the bed. “That was merely an example! You’re kissing people’s asses in a desperate attempt of being perfect to them! I don’t understand why you can’t just let go and fucking be yourself, already!”

I remained silent, just staring at him. He stared back. It took a while before I dared to break the tense silence.

“I don’t kiss people’s asses… I tell them what I feel there and then…”

“But your feelings change depending on who you’re talking to!” he exclaimed. “That’s your problem, Joshua! You could sit here and tell me how you were going to ditch Nicky, but when you see her, you’d be really nice to her and tell her how I’m being a douche for telling you to get rid of her! That’s the kind of person you are. Is it really that hard for you to see that?”

I was in complete and utter shock.

“I really like you, Josh… I just wish you’d think the same way about me…”

After thinking back on the way I had treated my friends over the years, I realized it was true, what he told me. I did change, depending on whom I was speaking to at the time. That’s another thing the human brain does to you that you don’t even notice yourself before it’s too late. Amazing. Truly amazing.

“There’s a reason why I fell in love with you…” he said with a small voice.

“I’m in love with you too, Andy…” I replied. “I swear to God I am… And I’m really sorry for being this way. I will better myself… I’m just going through some confusing shit, but I’ll be better soon.”

“Well, at least let me help you,” he muttered. “You’re still not letting me in…”

“I’m letting you in, a little bit at a time, alright. Let’s face it, you are a lot to take in.” I stood up, walking over to the bed. Leaning in, I kissed him gently on the lips.

“I’m sorry if I seem like I’m pushing you,” he apologized when I pulled away again.

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s just finish this fucking English assignment, already.”